a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
