well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
