I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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