You just made me feel so damn special
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
