I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
