love makes seman taste better
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
