Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
