No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
honey bunches of taint.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
