I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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