she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i believe in u and ur pee
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
