I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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