I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
