You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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