also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
