Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
