Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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