I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
