i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
