whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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