when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
