fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
