I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
