I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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