those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
