I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
