I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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