if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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