Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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