You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Your penis caused this!
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