headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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