I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
