I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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