her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
