she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
