she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
