i would punch a child for taco bell
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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