I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
