Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
