I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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