Plan B is the new Plan A
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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