We won't sleep together?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
