Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
