seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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