im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
