i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
