im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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