we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
