If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
