Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
