My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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