A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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