I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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