Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
How's work?
Spinning.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
