I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
