Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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