You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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